…or so Usana Health Sciences would have us believe. But don’t listen to them. No, no. Listen to a third party. An unbiased person who is quite knowledgeable about the reasons why auditors quit. Or not.

It took me a moment to pick myself up off the floor after rolling around and laughing, thanks to Scott Van Winkle of Canaccord Adams.

We all understand that investment analysts aren’t really independent. I mean, we get it that Canaccord Adams earns money from Usana and therefore has a vested interest in the company staying afloat.

But doesn’t Van Winkle have at least some common sense and self-respect? Do you think he realized exactly how silly he made himself look? You can’t make this stuff up. The guy really said this, as quoted by the Associated Press:

Canaccord Adams analyst Scott Van Winkle said Grant Thornton’s resignation may stem from the accounting firm’s involvement with another company fighting through regulatory issues.

“Grant Thornton likely has enough on its plate when it comes to controversy, and is mitigating its risk,” Van Winkle said in a note to investors.

Van Winkle said all the negative publicity heralds an opportunity for bargain hunters who might expect gains in the stock, particularly with the company’s strong second-quarter earnings report.

“To date, many investors and now even USANA’s auditor have thrown in the towel, which only adds to the negative sentiment, allowing for incremental positive share price returns, in our view,” he said.

Grant Thornton quit as a favor to Usana. Now there’s a great opportunity to buy Usana stock. Yeah. The auditors quitting is a good thing.

And then I love that Usana’s mouthpiece Joseph Poulous is quoted about Barry Minkow:

“Why would anybody take this guy seriously?” USANA spokesman Joseph Poulos said Tuesday. “What is he an expert on? He isn’t a forensic accountant. He just committed one very large crime once.”

Minkow, who was convicted in a stock swindle involving a carpet cleaning business, “is conducting a bear raid on this company,” Poulos said.

You’re right. He’s not a forensic accountant. But I am.

Well here’s some good news for Usana. I’m not dialing in for the conference call tomorrow, so they don’t have to tell the moderator to disallow my questions. But fear not… I’ll listen later and add my comments here on what is sure to be some great tap dancing by Dave and Gil.